Damp Sunday

It’s a damp and overcast Sunday, would be a great day for a drive in the woods to look for wildflowers. That’s not going to happen, no money and not enough gas. It’s been over 2 weeks since I’ve been out of the house besides going to the grocery store. Hopefully by this next payday I’ll be about to start getting out of this negative money hole.
I could work on the garage today to get the shop in order, but then again, I think why bother. I would love to start building things again, it’s been so long. I have a number of ideas for a lot of the great barn wood, some would be a little tough without a plainer, but there are work arounds to get it done without one.
I really do love it here.

Apple Orchard

Some random photos of the Apple Orchard after it has been mowed. The photos really don’t show how great it looks, almost like a park. As you can see though, many of the trees are not blooming this year, and I have no idea why. I would love to trim a few of them (they all need it), but it’s one hell of a lot of work, and I just don’t know how long I’ll be here. 🙁

Weekend

It’s the weekend and I’m starting it off with very little sleep, too much on my mind I guess. I don’t have anything planned, though I sure would like to get out and about maybe Sunday, but I really don’t have the money, so I’m not sure I’ll be able to. I guess I don’t have much to say, just feeling lost and to be honest, I’m scared shitless.

Downward Spiral

I feel like my life is in a fast downward spiral, as if it can get any lower. I keep working on the property, but I keep questioning myself why, why do this when I don’t even know if I’ll be here in a mouth or so. Wish I just had some kind of assurance that the dogs and I don’t have to, fuck, I don’t know, I just don’t fucking know. I have no-one to talk to about it. It’s a feeling of complete and total loss. To top it off, I’m fucking broke.