Hope Shattered

Went to bed and woke up this morning with hope again, even mowed the front. Now that hope is shattered. I made more calls today to a couple local people to see if they knew of any rentals, land contract, rent to buy homes. Nothing again. Went to L’Anse and drove around. Talked to some people about a house that was for sale there, but I think it’s too much. I have no place to go. I’m trying, I’m trying. And now I’m in pain again, so I need to lay down.

Lupine

Feeling really quite stressed today, but was able to process a couple photos.
Plan on getting some of the yard mowed today, although I’ll be taking it quite easy.

Lupine

Lupine

Nothing, Not A Fucking Thing

I drove to Houghton then north through most all of the Keweenaw today looking for a house. Nothing, not a fucking thing. I did look at a few. I’ll be driving around again Sunday in other directions to look. Today I did at least stop at a couple spots to take some photos, but really wasn’t into it much, and I even brought most all my gear. Not feeling well really, I’m sure not eating doesn’t help. Just about every time I get upset, which is often, I have pains in my chest then I feel throbbing in my head. They don’t seem to last long. I just fucking lost on what to do. I can get money, but it’s not enough. I keep thinking if I only had the balls to off Giz and Eli, and then myself. There’s no way I could leave them alone. I have to stop now, I hurt.

Move

I have to move out of the only real place I have felt at home. I love it here. I have looked and looked for a rental, or even a super cheap place to buy, but my credit is shit. Most rentals don’t allow dogs, and anything I can afford you can even see the mold and shit in the pictures. I cry all day long, really I’ve been crying for a year now, but at least before recently I had a little hope. All that hope is gone, and the way I feel so am I. For days now I’ve been on the phone and web continuously trying to either get some money or asking about a rental. I haven’t eaten either, just don’t feel like it. The dogs are always hanging really close to me, especially Grizwald, he knows and Eli lays down behind my chair. I keep telling them I’m sorry and that I don’t know what to do. I guess I was wrong the other day in a post about caring.
Tomorrow I’m taking the day off and going for a drive, maybe I’ll see a house somewhere, I have to, or maybe a tree.
Edit: I was just looking on Facebook, and don’t enjoy that much now, so maybe I’m done with that to.
Also, to top all this off, I feel like the best friend I’ve ever had is slipping away.

Please Help

Please Help Save Our Homes

I’m going through a divorce, and my ex-wife and myself need money. My ex-wife is getting the house but I need to stay in it, and she has agreed to sell it to me. She needs money to save the home she is in now due to a disability, and I need it to pay her for the home I’m living in. We are both in a very tough spot, but I’m trying to help her and at the same time help myself.
Please, if you could help even just a little, I and my ex-wife will be ever thankful.

Well, Fuck It, No Outing Today

Been up since midnight with the dogs due to thunderstorms, and as I type this, it’s really rockin’ out there. So anyway, not looking good for getting out of the house, again. Even if the weather gets better, I haven’t had any sleep, so, fuck it.

Update: That first line of storms brought just over an inch of rain in 1 hour.

Yard Work Day

I got quite a bit mowed today, front, sides, back, and some of the apple orchard. It started to rain, so I quit. The lawns have needed mowing for a while now, but I haven’t felt like doing it, like no reason to. I hope, even pray, that I’m not mistaken for caring again.
Looks like the rest of the day will be, well, nothing, it’s too rainy, hot and humid to do much else.
I do plan on getting and about tomorrow, it’s been far too long since I’ve gone out to enjoy myself, almost a month. So unless it looks like an all day torrential downpour all day, I’m heading out.

Here’s some photos from yesterday of the fruit around the house starting to come out.

Pears

Cherries

Raspberries

Blackberries