Went to bed and woke up this morning with hope again, even mowed the front. Now that hope is shattered. I made more calls today to a couple local people to see if they knew of any rentals, land contract, rent to buy homes. Nothing again. Went to L’Anse and drove around. Talked to some people about a house that was for sale there, but I think it’s too much. I have no place to go. I’m trying, I’m trying. And now I’m in pain again, so I need to lay down.
Feeling really quite stressed today, but was able to process a couple photos.
Plan on getting some of the yard mowed today, although I’ll be taking it quite easy.
I drove to Houghton then north through most all of the Keweenaw today looking for a house. Nothing, not a fucking thing. I did look at a few. I’ll be driving around again Sunday in other directions to look. Today I did at least stop at a couple spots to take some photos, but really wasn’t into it much, and I even brought most all my gear. Not feeling well really, I’m sure not eating doesn’t help. Just about every time I get upset, which is often, I have pains in my chest then I feel throbbing in my head. They don’t seem to last long. I just fucking lost on what to do. I can get money, but it’s not enough. I keep thinking if I only had the balls to off Giz and Eli, and then myself. There’s no way I could leave them alone. I have to stop now, I hurt.
I have to move out of the only real place I have felt at home. I love it here. I have looked and looked for a rental, or even a super cheap place to buy, but my credit is shit. Most rentals don’t allow dogs, and anything I can afford you can even see the mold and shit in the pictures. I cry all day long, really I’ve been crying for a year now, but at least before recently I had a little hope. All that hope is gone, and the way I feel so am I. For days now I’ve been on the phone and web continuously trying to either get some money or asking about a rental. I haven’t eaten either, just don’t feel like it. The dogs are always hanging really close to me, especially Grizwald, he knows and Eli lays down behind my chair. I keep telling them I’m sorry and that I don’t know what to do. I guess I was wrong the other day in a post about caring.
Tomorrow I’m taking the day off and going for a drive, maybe I’ll see a house somewhere, I have to, or maybe a tree.
Edit: I was just looking on Facebook, and don’t enjoy that much now, so maybe I’m done with that to.
Also, to top all this off, I feel like the best friend I’ve ever had is slipping away.
I’m going through a divorce, and my ex-wife and myself need money. My ex-wife is getting the house but I need to stay in it, and she has agreed to sell it to me. She needs money to save the home she is in now due to a disability, and I need it to pay her for the home I’m living in. We are both in a very tough spot, but I’m trying to help her and at the same time help myself.
Please, if you could help even just a little, I and my ex-wife will be ever thankful.
Been up since midnight with the dogs due to thunderstorms, and as I type this, it’s really rockin’ out there. So anyway, not looking good for getting out of the house, again. Even if the weather gets better, I haven’t had any sleep, so, fuck it.
Update: That first line of storms brought just over an inch of rain in 1 hour.
I got quite a bit mowed today, front, sides, back, and some of the apple orchard. It started to rain, so I quit. The lawns have needed mowing for a while now, but I haven’t felt like doing it, like no reason to. I hope, even pray, that I’m not mistaken for caring again.
Looks like the rest of the day will be, well, nothing, it’s too rainy, hot and humid to do much else.
I do plan on getting and about tomorrow, it’s been far too long since I’ve gone out to enjoy myself, almost a month. So unless it looks like an all day torrential downpour all day, I’m heading out.
Here’s some photos from yesterday of the fruit around the house starting to come out.